If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize