so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
