so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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