I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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