I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
