Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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