i dedicated my morning wood to you.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
40s are totally the cure
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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