There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
