I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize