1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
