I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
