smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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