I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
