Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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