i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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