I just made out with a guy for $7.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
