OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
do nipples grow back?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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