Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
