I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
