phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
