Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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