did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize