I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
