I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
