"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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