The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
