he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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