It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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