Barsexuality is the new black.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
