he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
