My hair reeks of homosexuality.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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