I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
