At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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