marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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