Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
