There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
