Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
