There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
