Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
