I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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