She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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