just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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