I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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