3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
