i may or may not be watching the land before time
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Randomize
