Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
