somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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