You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
