Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
