I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
