Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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