Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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