Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
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