My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
vagina is talking i cant
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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