i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
