Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
