i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
