Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
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