She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
