so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
