McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
