he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
