i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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