She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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