Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
