How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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