bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize