wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
