just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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