Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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