Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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