we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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