I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
