I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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